Owen: I hate the countryside. It's dirty, it's unhygienic. And what is that smell?
Gwen: That would be grass.
Owen: It's disgusting.
Ianto: (handing out burgers from a roadstand) Sure you don't want anything, Tosh?
Tosh: Really sure. A friend of mine caught hepatitis off a burger from one of these places.
Jack: (to Owen) No other race in the universe goes camping. Celebrate your own uniqueness!
(as Owen sets up a tent)
Tosh: Need a hand getting it up, Owen?
Owen: If I did, I wouldn't ask you.
Gwen: Who's the last person you snogged?
Owen: You even sound like an eight year old. Who the hell says 'snog'?
Gwen: Mine was Rhys.
Owen: Yeah, well, there's a surprise.
Gwen: Tosh, your go.
Tosh: It's easy for you.
Gwen: Oh, come on. Spill the beans!
Owen: Tosh, love, in your dreams.
Tosh: Three a.m. Christmas Eve, in front of the Millennium Centre, waiting for a cab. I had mistletoe.
Owen: Christmas. You've not had a snog since...?
Owen: Well, lucky me, eh?
Tosh: So, who was yours?
Owen: Gwen, actually.
Tosh: When was this?
Gwen: It was complicated.
Tosh: Didn't take you long to get your feet under the table.
Tosh: So was it just a kiss or...
Gwen: Tosh. Leave it.
Jack: Are we including non-human life-forms?
Owen: You're a sick man, Harkness. That is disgusting!
Gwen: Couldn't you have kept that to yourself?
Owen: What's the matter, you embarrassed?
Gwen: You're such an arrogant shit sometimes, Owen.
Owen: See, to my mind, that was a good kiss. It was borderline great, so good, in fact, you've been avoiding me ever since.
Gwen: Country air's making you delusional.
Owen: How long did it last? Ten seconds? And the things I can tell from that kiss...
Gwen: Oh, like?
Owen: Like your sex life's ain't up to much.
Gwen: (grabbing him and slamming him against a tree) You what?
Owen: See, although Rhys makes the earth rumble, but he don't make it move, does he?
Gwen: You'd better shut up before I lamp you one!
Owen: (grabbing her back) When was the last time you screwed all night? When was the last time you came so hard and so long you forgot where you are? Doesn't happen with him, does it? Too familiar. Whereas you and me, we're not cosy at all. We'd be amazing. And that scares the shit out of you.
Gwen: What did this, Jack? Cos whatever it is, it can't be human. How far is this gonna spread?
Jack: Stay focused.
Gwen: I should be at home having dinner with Rhys. What am I doing here with you? Don't you ever get scared, Jack?
(Owen is preparing to inject Gwen with a syringe)
Owen: Right, do you want a quip about feeling a small prick?
Gwen: No, but thanks for offering.
Gwen: Do you miss being a doctor?
Owen: Excuse me. Still am a doctor! I just don't do it with patients anymore, that's all. It's ideal. That was the bit I always hated.
Owen: Okay, so what this means, the Rift is spreading and dumping aliens and psychos wherever it fancies.
Jack: Looks like that.
Owen: Great, this conversation's cheered me up no end.
Gwen: We're Torchwood, have you heard of Torchwood?
Huw: What's this then, a band, is it?
Tosh: What are you gonna do? Put us on meat hooks?
Evan Sherman: No. Not yet. You see, meat has to be tenderized first.
Gwen: The whole village was involved.
Evan Sherman: Every generation. Our tradition. Once a decade. Target those travelling through, those most likely to disappear.
Gwen: And butcher them? What sort of people are you that you wake up in the morning and think "this is what I'm going to do"? Why do you do it? Come on, make me understand.
Evan Sherman: Why do you care?
Gwen: I have seen things you would never believe and this is the only thing I can't understand.
Evan Sherman: So keep on wondering.
Gwen: Tell me! I need to know why!
Jack: That's enough. Time to go.
Evan Sherman: I'll tell you something, if you let me whisper. (Gwen nods; he whispers) Because it made me happy.