29 April 2015

Quotes from "The Five(ish) Doctors Reboot"

(Peter, Colin and Sylvestor are protesting outside the BBC Television Centre as John walks by with shopping)
John Barrowman: Hi Peter.
Peter Davison: Hi John. (John walks past before returning)
John Barrowman: You know they film in Cardiff, don't you?

Georgia Moffett: I know, I know, but Dad said if you'll do this one last thing, then he'll stop calling us.
David Tennant: Okay! Okay! Okay! Okay! I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it, but I've gotta do it now. I've got to be back on set in five minutes. Okay, call you later. (Hangs up phone)
Georgia Moffett: One more... oh. Never mind. (Looks at phone, then at an oxygen mask near her face)
David Tennant: (to himself) Something I meant to ask her about. (Shakes head, walks off)
Maternity Nurse: And... PUSH!
Georgia Moffett: (SCREAMS)

Peter Davison: Okay, I've got a call from my contact. I know the filming dates, and I've got a plan.
Colin Baker: Your contact? Who is this contact?
Peter Davison: Well, I've picked up a lot of contacts over the years.
Sylvester McCoy: Oh, I've picked up quite a few contacts while filming "The Hobbit".
Peter Davison: Anyway, my contact...
Colin Baker: (Interrupting) This "contact" wouldn't have a Scottish accent and be married to your daughter, would he?
Peter Davison: Now you see, I can't reveal that.

Colin Baker: You really are from another planet, you know that?
Peter Davison: This is not the REAL TARDIS.
Colin Baker: REALLY?
Sylvester McCoy: I'd like to go home now.
Peter Davison: Plan B!

Paul McGann: Whatever it is you're planning, I'm in.
(Peter, Colin, and Sylvester look up and smile at Paul)
Paul McGann: Work permitting, obviously.

Peter Davison: Right. Let's go.
Sylvester McCoy: Hang on. One thing: WHY are we doing this?
Colin Baker: Why?
Sylvester McCoy: Well, I've traveled 12,000 miles to get here, I'm in breach of contract, my film career's in tatters, and for what?
Colin Baker: He's right. What is the point? Why are we doing all of this?
Peter Davison: (pauses for a moment to think) For the fans.
Colin Baker: Of course. For the fans!
Sylvester McCoy: Right! For the fans! Let's go!

Colin Baker: (Holds up a copy of Doctor Who: Vengeance on Varos, then places it in the DVD player) Ta-da! One of my best, you will love it! Many say it's a classic. Bought, of course, to replace the one that strangely went missing. Great news, though. This one has extra features! EVEN MORE OF ME!
(Sits down on sofa, then addresses his family, who have been clamoring at the front door)
Colin Baker: You're wasting your time! I've locked all of the doors!

Sylvester McCoy: What do you think he's doing?
Colin Baker: Reading a script. He's always reading scripts. And filming. Always filming.
Sylvester McCoy: It's probably for TV. I mean, who wants to do TV? It's not like it's a motion picture.
Colin Baker: Oh, shut up!

Sylvester McCoy: Do you think we should call Tom?
Colin Baker: Call Tom?
Peter Davison: Why?
Sylvester McCoy: Well, he might want to join the team.
Colin Baker: Tom?
Peter Davison: Well, you call him then.
Sylvester McCoy: Oh no, I don't think I should call him.
Peter Davison: Well, it's your brilliant idea!
Colin Baker: Oh, for heaven's sake! I've eaten possum's anus on live television. Couldn't be worse than that. I'LL call him!

Sylvester McCoy: Oh to hell with it. Let's live dangerously!

22 April 2015

Quotes from "Last Christmas" (Part 2)

Professor Albert: They're a bit like facehuggers, aren't they?
The Doctor: Face...huggers?
Professor Albert: Yeah, you know. Alien. The horror movie, Alien.
The Doctor: There's a horror movie called Alien? That's really offensive, no wonder everyone keeps invading you.

The Doctor: Clara, could you fetch me the dead one?
Clara: Maybe I could fetch you a cup of tea while I'm at it.
The Doctor: Oooh... (Clara glares) yes, and a punch in the face, too.
Clara: My very next suggestion.
The Doctor: Fair enough.

Danny: Do you know why people get together at Christmas? Because every time they do, it might be the last time. Every Christmas is last Christmas, and this is ours. This was a bonus, this was extra.

Shona: You're a dream who's trying to save us.
Santa Claus: Shona, sweetheart, I'm Santa Claus. I think you just defined me.

Shona: I'm scared.
The Doctor: Congratulations, that means you're not an idiot.

The Doctor: Do you know what I hate about the obvious?
Clara: What?
The Doctor: Missing it.

Santa Claus: Hey! Do you want to take the reins, Doctor?
The Doctor: You're a dream construct, currently representing either my recovering or expiring mind.
Santa Claus: Yes, but do you want a go?
The Doctor: Yeah, all right!

The Doctor: These are Christmas hats. I've seen people use them. They put them on, and absolutely anything seems funny.
Clara: Oh. Probably won't work on you.
The Doctor: Probably not. You want me to try?
Clara: Go on, then.

The Doctor: The TARDIS is outside.
Clara: Sorry?
The Doctor: So all of time and all space is sitting out there in that big blue box. Please, don't even argue.

15 April 2015

Quotes from "Last Christmas" (Part 1)

Ian: You know, no one really likes the tangerines, don't you?
Santa Claus: How dare you? They're my signature gift. That and the walnut.

Santa Claus: How did you think those presents got under the tree every year? By magic?
Clara: Well, I thought it was my mum and...
Wolf and Ian: Mum and dad?
Wolf: Well, of course it was. It makes perfect sense.
Ian: Yeah, your mum and dad one day a year for no particular reason, just out of the blue, suddenly decide to give you a great big pile of presents.
Wolf: No no no. Because they love you so much. It's a lovely story, dear.
Ian: Yeah, but it's time to start living in the real world.

Ashley: Who the hell are you?
The Doctor: Oh, go on, take a guess, push the boat out. Tooth Fairy, maybe? The Easter Bunny?
Ian: Shut your mouth, wiseguy, or you get yours.
Wolf: It's a balloon animal.
Ian: That's a toy gun.
Wolf: Yeah, but at least it's unsuitable for children under 4. Parts small enough to swallow. So, uh, watch out.

Shona: The North Pole isn't an actual pole.
Ian: Of course it is. Look!
Shona: If it was an actual pole, it would not be stripey.
Wolf: It's got to be stripey.
Ian: Otherwise you couldn't see it moving around.
Wolf: Umm, it's your basic physics.

The Doctor: You know what the big problem is in telling fantasy from reality apart?
Ashley: What?
The Doctor: They're both ridiculous.

Clara: So we don't know what is real and what isn't?
The Doctor: Exactly.
Clara: Are we in danger?
The Doctor: Oh, we are well past danger, Clara. If I'm right, and I usually am, we're dying.

The Doctor: You missed the killer question.
Shona: Say what?
The Doctor: Beardy-weirdy.
Santa Claus: Yeah?
The Doctor: How'd you get all the questions in the sleigh.
Santa Claus: Bigger on the inside.
Wolf: Oooohhhh.

08 April 2015

Quotes from "Death in Heaven" (Part 2)

The Doctor: I had a friend once. We ran together when I was little. And I thought we were the same. When we grew up, we weren't. And now she's trying to tear the world apart and I can't run fast enough to hold it together. The difference... is this. Pain is a gift. Without the capacity for pain, we can't feel the hurt we inflict.
Danny: Are you telling me, seriously, for real that you can?
The Doctor: Of course I can.
Danny: Then shame on you, Doctor.
The Doctor: Yes. Oh, yes.

The Doctor: I am not a good man! And I'm not a bad man. I am not a hero. I'm definitely not a president. And no, I'm not an officer. You know what I am? I... am... an idiot. With a box and a screwdriver, passing through, helping out, learning. I don't need an army, I never have. Because I've got them. (points at Clara and Cyber-Danny) Always them. Because love, it's not an emotion. Love is a promise. And he will never hurt her.

Danny: Attention! This is not a good day. This is Earth's darkest hour. And look at you miserable lot. We are the fallen. But today we shall rise. The army of the dead will save the land of the living. This is not the order of a general. Nor the whim of a lunatic...
Missy: Excuse me?
Danny: This is a promise. The promise of a soldier!

Clara: Why don't you like hugging, Doctor?
The Doctor: Never trust a hug. It's just a way to hide your face.

Clara: Doctor. Traveling with you made me feel really special. Thank you for that. Thank you for making me feel special.
The Doctor: Thank you for exactly the same.

01 April 2015

Quotes from "Death in Heaven" (Part 1)

Kate Stewart: So now that I have your attention, welcome to the only planet in the universe where we get to say this: he's on the payroll.
The Doctor: Am I?
Kate Stewart: Technically.
The Doctor: How much?
Kate Stewart: Shush.

Colonel Ahmed: Sir. (salutes)
The Doctor: Oh, don't do that. You look like you're self-concussing. Which would explain all of military history, now I think about it.

The Doctor: You know where it is.
Missy: Yep. You know the best part about knowing? Not telling you.

Osgood: Who is she?
The Doctor: You'd never believe me if I told you.
Osgood: Because I thought she might be the Master, regenerated into female form. Your childhood friend, responsible for a number of previous incursions.
The Doctor: That was very quick.
Osgood: We have files on all our Prime Ministers. She wasn't even the worst.

Missy: Kill some Belgians. Might as well. They're not even French.