29 April 2015

Quotes from "The Five(ish) Doctors Reboot"

(Peter, Colin and Sylvestor are protesting outside the BBC Television Centre as John walks by with shopping)
John Barrowman: Hi Peter.
Peter Davison: Hi John. (John walks past before returning)
John Barrowman: You know they film in Cardiff, don't you?

Georgia Moffett: I know, I know, but Dad said if you'll do this one last thing, then he'll stop calling us.
David Tennant: Okay! Okay! Okay! Okay! I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it, but I've gotta do it now. I've got to be back on set in five minutes. Okay, call you later. (Hangs up phone)
Georgia Moffett: One more... oh. Never mind. (Looks at phone, then at an oxygen mask near her face)
David Tennant: (to himself) Something I meant to ask her about. (Shakes head, walks off)
Maternity Nurse: And... PUSH!
Georgia Moffett: (SCREAMS)

Peter Davison: Okay, I've got a call from my contact. I know the filming dates, and I've got a plan.
Colin Baker: Your contact? Who is this contact?
Peter Davison: Well, I've picked up a lot of contacts over the years.
Sylvester McCoy: Oh, I've picked up quite a few contacts while filming "The Hobbit".
Peter Davison: Anyway, my contact...
Colin Baker: (Interrupting) This "contact" wouldn't have a Scottish accent and be married to your daughter, would he?
Peter Davison: Now you see, I can't reveal that.

Colin Baker: You really are from another planet, you know that?
Peter Davison: This is not the REAL TARDIS.
Colin Baker: REALLY?
Sylvester McCoy: I'd like to go home now.
Peter Davison: Plan B!

Paul McGann: Whatever it is you're planning, I'm in.
(Peter, Colin, and Sylvester look up and smile at Paul)
Paul McGann: Work permitting, obviously.

Peter Davison: Right. Let's go.
Sylvester McCoy: Hang on. One thing: WHY are we doing this?
Colin Baker: Why?
Sylvester McCoy: Well, I've traveled 12,000 miles to get here, I'm in breach of contract, my film career's in tatters, and for what?
Colin Baker: He's right. What is the point? Why are we doing all of this?
Peter Davison: (pauses for a moment to think) For the fans.
Colin Baker: Of course. For the fans!
Sylvester McCoy: Right! For the fans! Let's go!

Colin Baker: (Holds up a copy of Doctor Who: Vengeance on Varos, then places it in the DVD player) Ta-da! One of my best, you will love it! Many say it's a classic. Bought, of course, to replace the one that strangely went missing. Great news, though. This one has extra features! EVEN MORE OF ME!
(Sits down on sofa, then addresses his family, who have been clamoring at the front door)
Colin Baker: You're wasting your time! I've locked all of the doors!

Sylvester McCoy: What do you think he's doing?
Colin Baker: Reading a script. He's always reading scripts. And filming. Always filming.
Sylvester McCoy: It's probably for TV. I mean, who wants to do TV? It's not like it's a motion picture.
Colin Baker: Oh, shut up!

Sylvester McCoy: Do you think we should call Tom?
Colin Baker: Call Tom?
Peter Davison: Why?
Sylvester McCoy: Well, he might want to join the team.
Colin Baker: Tom?
Peter Davison: Well, you call him then.
Sylvester McCoy: Oh no, I don't think I should call him.
Peter Davison: Well, it's your brilliant idea!
Colin Baker: Oh, for heaven's sake! I've eaten possum's anus on live television. Couldn't be worse than that. I'LL call him!

Sylvester McCoy: Oh to hell with it. Let's live dangerously!

22 April 2015

Quotes from "Last Christmas" (Part 2)

Professor Albert: They're a bit like facehuggers, aren't they?
The Doctor: Face...huggers?
Professor Albert: Yeah, you know. Alien. The horror movie, Alien.
The Doctor: There's a horror movie called Alien? That's really offensive, no wonder everyone keeps invading you.

The Doctor: Clara, could you fetch me the dead one?
Clara: Maybe I could fetch you a cup of tea while I'm at it.
The Doctor: Oooh... (Clara glares) yes, and a punch in the face, too.
Clara: My very next suggestion.
The Doctor: Fair enough.

Danny: Do you know why people get together at Christmas? Because every time they do, it might be the last time. Every Christmas is last Christmas, and this is ours. This was a bonus, this was extra.

Shona: You're a dream who's trying to save us.
Santa Claus: Shona, sweetheart, I'm Santa Claus. I think you just defined me.

Shona: I'm scared.
The Doctor: Congratulations, that means you're not an idiot.

The Doctor: Do you know what I hate about the obvious?
Clara: What?
The Doctor: Missing it.

Santa Claus: Hey! Do you want to take the reins, Doctor?
The Doctor: You're a dream construct, currently representing either my recovering or expiring mind.
Santa Claus: Yes, but do you want a go?
The Doctor: Yeah, all right!

The Doctor: These are Christmas hats. I've seen people use them. They put them on, and absolutely anything seems funny.
Clara: Oh. Probably won't work on you.
The Doctor: Probably not. You want me to try?
Clara: Go on, then.

The Doctor: The TARDIS is outside.
Clara: Sorry?
The Doctor: So all of time and all space is sitting out there in that big blue box. Please, don't even argue.

15 April 2015

Quotes from "Last Christmas" (Part 1)

Ian: You know, no one really likes the tangerines, don't you?
Santa Claus: How dare you? They're my signature gift. That and the walnut.

Santa Claus: How did you think those presents got under the tree every year? By magic?
Clara: Well, I thought it was my mum and...
Wolf and Ian: Mum and dad?
Wolf: Well, of course it was. It makes perfect sense.
Ian: Yeah, your mum and dad one day a year for no particular reason, just out of the blue, suddenly decide to give you a great big pile of presents.
Wolf: No no no. Because they love you so much. It's a lovely story, dear.
Ian: Yeah, but it's time to start living in the real world.

Ashley: Who the hell are you?
The Doctor: Oh, go on, take a guess, push the boat out. Tooth Fairy, maybe? The Easter Bunny?
Ian: Shut your mouth, wiseguy, or you get yours.
Wolf: It's a balloon animal.
Ian: That's a toy gun.
Wolf: Yeah, but at least it's unsuitable for children under 4. Parts small enough to swallow. So, uh, watch out.

Shona: The North Pole isn't an actual pole.
Ian: Of course it is. Look!
Shona: If it was an actual pole, it would not be stripey.
Wolf: It's got to be stripey.
Ian: Otherwise you couldn't see it moving around.
Wolf: Umm, it's your basic physics.

The Doctor: You know what the big problem is in telling fantasy from reality apart?
Ashley: What?
The Doctor: They're both ridiculous.

Clara: So we don't know what is real and what isn't?
The Doctor: Exactly.
Clara: Are we in danger?
The Doctor: Oh, we are well past danger, Clara. If I'm right, and I usually am, we're dying.

The Doctor: You missed the killer question.
Shona: Say what?
The Doctor: Beardy-weirdy.
Santa Claus: Yeah?
The Doctor: How'd you get all the questions in the sleigh.
Santa Claus: Bigger on the inside.
Wolf: Oooohhhh.

08 April 2015

Quotes from "Death in Heaven" (Part 2)

The Doctor: I had a friend once. We ran together when I was little. And I thought we were the same. When we grew up, we weren't. And now she's trying to tear the world apart and I can't run fast enough to hold it together. The difference... is this. Pain is a gift. Without the capacity for pain, we can't feel the hurt we inflict.
Danny: Are you telling me, seriously, for real that you can?
The Doctor: Of course I can.
Danny: Then shame on you, Doctor.
The Doctor: Yes. Oh, yes.

The Doctor: I am not a good man! And I'm not a bad man. I am not a hero. I'm definitely not a president. And no, I'm not an officer. You know what I am? I... am... an idiot. With a box and a screwdriver, passing through, helping out, learning. I don't need an army, I never have. Because I've got them. (points at Clara and Cyber-Danny) Always them. Because love, it's not an emotion. Love is a promise. And he will never hurt her.

Danny: Attention! This is not a good day. This is Earth's darkest hour. And look at you miserable lot. We are the fallen. But today we shall rise. The army of the dead will save the land of the living. This is not the order of a general. Nor the whim of a lunatic...
Missy: Excuse me?
Danny: This is a promise. The promise of a soldier!

Clara: Why don't you like hugging, Doctor?
The Doctor: Never trust a hug. It's just a way to hide your face.

Clara: Doctor. Traveling with you made me feel really special. Thank you for that. Thank you for making me feel special.
The Doctor: Thank you for exactly the same.

01 April 2015

Quotes from "Death in Heaven" (Part 1)

Kate Stewart: So now that I have your attention, welcome to the only planet in the universe where we get to say this: he's on the payroll.
The Doctor: Am I?
Kate Stewart: Technically.
The Doctor: How much?
Kate Stewart: Shush.

Colonel Ahmed: Sir. (salutes)
The Doctor: Oh, don't do that. You look like you're self-concussing. Which would explain all of military history, now I think about it.

The Doctor: You know where it is.
Missy: Yep. You know the best part about knowing? Not telling you.

Osgood: Who is she?
The Doctor: You'd never believe me if I told you.
Osgood: Because I thought she might be the Master, regenerated into female form. Your childhood friend, responsible for a number of previous incursions.
The Doctor: That was very quick.
Osgood: We have files on all our Prime Ministers. She wasn't even the worst.

Missy: Kill some Belgians. Might as well. They're not even French.

25 March 2015

Quotes from "Dark Water"

Clara: I love you.
Danny: I love you.
Clara: No, not like that. Not like it's automatic. Not like it's how you end the phone call, the sign off, the pat on the back.
Danny: Clara...
Clara: Danny, I'll never say those words again. Not to anybody else, ever. Those words, from me, are yours now.

Clara: A volcano.
The Doctor: I'm sorry?
Clara: I've never seen an active volcano. Do you know one?
The Doctor: What's so great about seeing a volcano? It's just a sort of leaky mountain.

Clara: You're going to help me?
The Doctor: Well, why wouldn't I help you?
Clara: Because of what I just did. I just...
The Doctor: You betrayed me. Betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything that I've ever stood for. You let me down!
Clara: Then why are you helping me?
The Doctor: Why? Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference? Stop it with the eyes. Don't do that with the eyes. How do you do that anyway? It's like they inflate. Cut out the whining while you're at it. We've got work to do. This is it, Clara, one of those moments.
Clara: What moments?
The Doctor: The darkest day. The blackest hour. Chin up, shoulders back, let's see what we're made of. You and I.

Clara: Doctor...
The Doctor: We're in a hurry.
Clara: I don't deserve a friend like you.
The Doctor: Clara, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm exactly what you deserve.

Dr. Chang: So, hey. Condolences.
Clara: Condolences?
Dr. Chang: It's a mausoleum. It's our hello. Is there a particular dead person you want to talk to?

Danny: You have wi-fi here?
Seb: Hmm?
Danny: You have iPads in the afterlife.
Seb: iPads. We have Steve Jobs.

Dr Chang: Are you going to kill me?
Missy: Now, come on. Let's not dwell on horrid things. This is going to be our last conversation and I'm the one who's going to have to live with that.

The Doctor: You're a Time Lord.
Missy: Time Lady, please. I'm... old-fashioned.

18 March 2015

Quotes from "In the Forest of the Night"

The Doctor: Miss Oswald? Dark hair? Highly unpredictable? Surprisingly round face?

The Doctor: I found her wandering around the brand new forest.
Clara: Brand new forest?
The Doctor: Yes. It's like the new forest, except even newer.

Clara: Everyone, this is the Doctor and he's going to sort everything out. Isn't that right, Doctor? That's what he does.
The Doctor: Well, having looked at things, I think probably the answer to that is "no."
Clara: He always says that, he's really clever.
The Doctor: Oh, yes I am. Very clever. But what use is clever against trees? They don't listen to reason, you can't plead with them, you can't lie to them. There's no moving parts or circuits. This is a natural event.

Clara: This is really going to happen, isn't it?
The Doctor: Stars implode, planets grow cold. Catastrophe is the metabolism of the universe. I can fight monsters, I can't fight physics.
Clara: Why would trees want to kill us? We love trees.
The Doctor: You've been chopping them down for furniture for centuries. If that's love, no wonder they called down fire from the heavens.

The Doctor: I am Doctor Idiot!

The Doctor: The human superpower, forgetting. If you could remember how things felt, you'd have stopped having wars. And stopped having babies.

11 March 2015

Happy Birthday, Alex!

Happy Birthday, Alex Kingston!


Happy Birthday, John!

Happy Birthday, John Barrowman!


Quotes from "Flatline" (Part 2)

The Doctor: Congratulations, lying is a vital survival skill.
Clara: Well, there you go.
The Doctor: And a terrible habit.

The Doctor: So what's next, Doctor Clara?
Clara: Lie to them.
The Doctor: What?
Clara: Lie to them. Give them hope. Tell them they're all going to be fine. Isn't that what you would do?
The Doctor: In a manner of speaking. It's--it's true that people with hope tend to run faster, whereas people who think they're doomed...
Clara: Dawdle. End up dead.
The Doctor: So that's what I sound like.

Clara: Rule number one of being the Doctor: use your enemy's power against them.

The Doctor: I tried to talk, I want you to remember that. I tried to reach out, I tried to understand you. But I think that you understand us perfectly. And I think that you just don't care. And I don't know whether you are here to invade, infiltrate, or just replace us. I don't suppose it really matters now. You are monsters. That is the role you seem determined to play, so it seems that I must play mine. The man who stops the monsters. I'm sending you back to your own dimension. Who knows? Some of you may even survive the trip. And if you do, remember this. You are not welcome here. This plane is protected. I am the Doctor, and I name you the Boneless!

The Doctor: Ah, the return of the fluorescent pudding brain.
Clara: Do you realize he can hear you now?
The Doctor: I know.

Clara: Come on, why can't you say it? I was the Doctor and I was good.
The Doctor: You were an exceptional Doctor, Clara.
Clara: Thank you.
The Doctor: Goodness had nothing to do with it.

04 March 2015

Quotes from "Flatline" (Part 1)

The Doctor: Okay. Uh, same time you left, same place... ish.
Clara: "Ish"? Don't give me an "ish."
The Doctor: These readings are very, uh... ish-y

The Doctor: Impressive.
Clara: No, not impressive. Annoying.
The Doctor: No, this is impressive. (points at Clara) This is annoying. The TARDIS never does this. This is huge! Well, not literally huge. Slightly smaller than usual. Which is huge.
Clara: Yes, I get it, you're excited. When can I go home?

The Doctor: Could you not just let me enjoy this moment of not knowing something? It happens so rarely. 

Clara: I'm, umm... I'm the Doctor.
The Doctor: Don't you dare.
Clara: Doctor Oswald. But you can call me Clara.
Rigsy: I'm Rigsy. So, uh, what are you a doctor of?
The Doctor: Of lies.
Clara: Well, I'm usually quite vague about that. I think I just picked the title because it makes me sound important.
The Doctor: Why, Doctor Oswald, you are hilarious.

Clara: Oh, sorry, I'm talking to someone else who's listening in. Doctor, Rigsy. Rigsy, Doctor.
The Doctor: Hello, barely sentient local.

The Doctor: This explains everything. Their from a universe with only two dimensions. And yes, that is a thing! It's long been theorized, of course, but no one could go there and prove its existence without a heck of a diet.

25 February 2015

Quotes from "Mummy on the Orient Express"

The Doctor: Your train awaits, my lady.
Clara: Wonderful.
The Doctor: The baggage car. Thanks for lying.

The Doctor: You're doing it again.
Clara: Doing what?
The Doctor: The smile.
Clara: Yeah, I'm smiling.
The Doctor: Yes, the sad smile. It's a smile, but you're sad. It's confusing, it's like two emotions at once. It's like you're malfunctioning.
Clara: Sorry.

The Doctor: And there's that smile again.I don't even know how you keep track.
Clara: I really thought I hated you, you know.
The Doctor: Well, thank God you kept that to yourself.

Captain Quell: So, what are you a doctor of?
The Doctor: Now, there's a question that's never asked often enough. Let's say... intestinal parasites.

The Doctor: It might be nothing. Old ladies die all the time. It's practically their job description.

Perkins: Perkins. Chief engineer.
The Doctor: The Doctor. Nosy parker.

Maisie: Do you know what you're doing?
Clara: Nope. But I do need to be slightly more skilled than a high-heeled shoe.

Maisie: Life would be so much simpler if you liked the right people. People you're supposed to like. But then I guess there'd be no fairy tales.

Professor Moorhouse: I don't know what you want me to tell you!
The Doctor: Listen to me. You can see this thing, we can't. Tell us what you can see. Even the smallest detail might help us save the next one.
Professor Moorhouse: The next one? You mean, you can't save me?
The Doctor: Well, that is implied, isn't it? Yes, this is probably the end for you. But make it count! Details, please.

Perkins: A man just died in front of us. Can we not just have a moment?
The Doctor: No, no, no. We can't do that. We can't mourn. People with guns to their heads, they cannot mourn. We do not have time to mourn.

Perkins: You know, Doctor, I can't tell if you're a genius or just incredibly arrogant.
The Doctor: Well, on a good day I'm both.

The Doctor: You, sir, are a genius! This explains everything. Apart from what it is and how it's doing it. Sorry, I jumped the gun with the "you're a genius, it explains everything" remark.

The Doctor: I'm so pleased to finally see you. I'm the Doctor and I will be your victim for this evening. Are you my mummy?

The Doctor: Sometimes the only choices you have are bad ones. But you still have to choose.