31 December 2014

Quotes from "Robot of Sherwood" (Part 1)

The Doctor: Old-fashioned heroes only exist in old-fashioned storybooks, Clara.
Clara: What about you?
The Doctor: Me?
Clara: Yeah, you. You stop bad things happening every minute of every day. That sounds pretty heroic to me.
The Doctor: Just passing the time.

Robin Hood: Well, don't you know all property is theft to Robin Hood?
The Doctor: You're not serious.
Robin Hood: I am many things but never that. Robin Hood laughs in the face of all.
The Doctor: And do people ever punch you in the face when you do that?
Robin Hood: Not as yet.
The Doctor: Lucky I'm here then, isn't it?

The Doctor: That is not Robin Hood.
Robin Hood: Well, then, who, sir, is about to relieve you of your magic box?
The Doctor: Nobody, sir. Not in this universe or the next.
Robin Hood: Well, then, draw your sword and prove your words.
The Doctor: I have no sword. I don't need a sword. Because I am the Doctor. This is my spoon. En garde! 

Friar Tuck: Whoa! What are you doing?
The Doctor: This isn't a real sandal.
Friar Tuck: Yes it is.
The Doctor: (sniffs it) Oh, yes it is.

Alan-a-Dale: Ow!
The Doctor: Sorry sorry sorry. Blood analysis. Oh. All those diseases. If you were real, you'd be dead in six months.
Alan-a-Dale: I am real.
The Doctor: Bye.

Clara: How can you be so sure he's not the real thing?
The Doctor: Because he can't be.
Clara: When did you stop believing in everything?
The Doctor: When did you start believing in impossible heroes?
Clara: Don't you know?

Clara: What are you up to?
The Doctor: Quickest way to find out anybody's plan. Get yourself captured.

24 December 2014

Quotes from "Into the Dalek"

The Doctor: I've materialized a time capsule exactly around you and saved your life, one second before your ship exploded. But do please keep crying.
Journey Blue: My brother just died.
The Doctor: And his sister didn't, you're very welcome.

(emerging from the TARDIS) 
Journey Blue: But it's smaller on the outside.
The Doctor: Yeah, it's a bit more exciting when you go the other way.

The Doctor: Wow. Moleculer nanoscaler.
Journey Blue: You know what it does, then?
The Doctor: It miniaturizes living matter. What's the medical application, though? Do you use it to shrink the surgeons so they can climb inside the patients:?
Colonel Morgan Blue: Exactly.
The Doctor: Fantastic idea for a movie. Terrible idea for a proctologist.

The Doctor: It's not my fault. I got distracted.
Clara: By what?
The Doctor: You can always find something.

The Doctor: You were smiling at nothing. I would almost say you were in love, but to be honest...
Clara: Honest?
The Doctor: You're not a young woman anymore.
Clara: Yes, I am.
The Doctor: Well, you don't look it.
Clara: I do look it.
The Doctor: Well, that's right, keep your spirits up. Clara Clara Clara Clara Clara. Clara Clara.

The Doctor: What do I pay you? I should give you a raise.
Clara: You're not my boss. You're one of my hobbies.

The Doctor: This is Gun Girl. She got a gun and she's a girl. This is sort of a boss one. The same one as before?
Colonel Morgan Blue: Yes.
The Doctor: I think he's probably her uncle but I may have made that up to pass the time when we're talking. This is Clara, not my assistant. She's, uh, some other word.
Clara: I'm his carer.
The Doctor: Yeah, my carer. She cares so I don't have to.

The Doctor: What are those ones for? I don't need armed babysitters.
Gretchen: We're not babysitters.
Ross: We're here to shoot you dead if you turn out to be a Dalek spy.
The Doctor: Well, that's a relief, I hate babysitters.

Clara: Any remarks about my hips will not be appreciated.
The Doctor: Ah, your hips are fine, you're built like a man.
Clara: Thanks.

The Doctor: Well, you know how I said this is the most dangerous place in the universe? I was wrong. It's way more dangerous than that.

Clara: That's it? Just like that?
The Doctor: An anti-climax once in a while is good for my heart.

The Doctor: All those years ago when I began, I was just running. I called myself the Doctor but it was just a name. Then I went to Skaro and I met your lot. And I understood who I was. The Doctor was not the Daleks.

Clara: How do I look?
The Doctor: Sort of short and roundish, but with a good personality which is the main thing.
Clara: I meant my clothes--I just changed.
The Doctor: Well, good for you, still making an effort.

17 December 2014

Quotes from "Deep Breath" Part 2

Strax: Say "ah."
Clara: Ahhh.
Strax: You didn't move your lips.
Clara: You're looking at my eye.
Strax: Oh. Oh yes, there we are. Easy mistake.

The Doctor: Look at the eyebrows! These are attack eyebrows. You could take bottle tops off with these!
Barney: They are mighty eyebrows indeed, sir.
The Doctor: They're cross. They're crosser than the rest of my face. They're independently cross. They probably want to cede from the rest of my face and take up their own independent state of eyebrows. 

Madame Vastra: Spontaneous combustion.
Jenny: Is that like love at first sight?
Madame Vastra: A little. It is a theory that human beings can with little or no inducement simply explode.
Jenny: You don't need to flirt with me, we're already married.
Madame Vastra: It's scientific nonsense, of course.
Jenny: Marriage?
Madame Vastra: Hush.

Clara: "Egomaniac, needy, game-player"?
The Doctor: This could be a trap.
Clara: That was me?
The Doctor: Never mind that.
Clara: Yes, I am minding that!
The Doctor: Clara.
Clara: You were talking about me?
The Doctor: Clara, what is happening right now in this restaurant to you and me is more important than your egomania.
Clara: Nothing is more important than my egomania!
The Doctor: Right, you actually said that.
Clara: You never mention that again!

The Doctor: Uhh, no sausages. And there's no pictures. Do you have a children's menu? Any specials?
Waiter: Liver.
The Doctor: I don't mind liver.
Waiter: Spleen. Brain stem. Eyes.
Clara: Umm, is there a lot of demand for those?
The Doctor: I don't think that's what on the menu. I think we are on the menu.

The Doctor: Hello, hello, rubbish robots from the dawn of time, thank you for all the gratuitous information. 

The Doctor: This is your power source, feeble thought it is. I can use it to blow this whole room if I see one thing that I don't like. And that includes karaoke and mime, so take no chances.

The Doctor: So tell me, what do you think of the view?
Half-Face Man: It is beautiful.
The Doctor: No, it isn't. It's just far away. Everything looks too small. I prefer it down there. Everything is huge. Everything is so important. Every detail, every moment, every life clung to.

Half-Face Man: I am not dead.
The Doctor: You are a broom. Question--you take a broom, you replace the handle, and then later you replace the brush and you do that over and over again. Is it still the same broom? Answer--no, of course it isn't. But you can still sweep the floor. Which is not strictly relevant, skip that last part.

The Doctor: This... is over. Are you capable of admitting that?
Half-Face Man: Do you have it in you to murder me?
The Doctor: Those people down there, they're never small to me. Don't make assumptions about how far I will go to protect them, because I've already come a very long way. And unlike you, I don't expect to reach the promised land.

Clara: I don't think I know who the Doctor is anymore.
Madame Vastra: It would seem, my dear, you're very wrong about that. Clara... give him hell. He'll always need it.

Clara: You've redecorated.
The Doctor: Yes.
Clara: I don't like it.
The Doctor: I'm not entirely convinced myself. I think there should be more round things on the walls. I used to have a lot of round things, I wonder where I put them.

The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I've lived for over two thousand years, and not all of them were good. I've made many mistakes, and it's about time that I did something about that.

The Doctor: You can't see me, can you? You--you look at me, you can't see me. Do you have any idea what that's like? I'm not on the phone, I'm right here. Standing in front of you. Please, just... just see me.

The Doctor: I--I don't think that I'm a hugging person now.
Clara: I'm not sure you get a vote.
The Doctor: Whatever you say.

Happy Birthday, Bill!

Happy Birthday, Bill Pullman!


10 December 2014

Quotes from "Deep Breath" Part 1

(as a dinosaur walks through London) 
Inspector Gregson: Madame Vastra, thank God. I'll wager you've not seen anything like this before.
Madame Vastra: Well... not since I was a little girl.

Inspector Gregson: It's just laid an egg.
Madame Vastra: It dropped a blue box marked "Police" out of its mouth. Your grasp of biology troubles me.

Jenny: So it's him, then, the Doctor?
Madame Vastra: A giant dinosaur from the distant past has just vomited a blue box from outer space--this is not a day for jumping to conclusions.

The Doctor: Who invented this room?
Clara: Doctor, please, you have to lie down.
The Doctor: Doesn't make any sense, look, it's only got a bed there. Why is there only a bed in it?
Clara: Because it's a bedroom. It's for sleeping.
The Doctor: Okay, what do you do when you're awake?
Jenny: You leave the room.
The Doctor: So you've got a whole room for not being awake in. But what's the point, you're just missing the room? And don't look in that mirror. It's absolutely furious.

Madame Vastra: I'm having difficulty sleeping.
The Doctor: Oh? Oh, well, I--I wouldn't bother with that. I never bother with sleeping, I just do standy-up catnaps.
Madame Vastra: Oh, really? How interesting. And--and when do you do those?
The Doctor: Well, generally whenever anyone starts talking. I like to skip ahead to my bit, it saves time. 

Madame Vastra: I love monkeys, they're so funny.
Jenny: Oh, I see. So people are monkeys now, are they?
Madame Vastra: No, dear. People are apes. Men are monkeys.

The Doctor: I am alone. The world which shook at my feet, and the trees, and the sky, have gone, and I am alone now. Alone.
Clara: Are you translating?
The Doctor: The wind bites now, and the world is grey, and I am alone here. Can't see me. Doesn't see me. Can't see me.
Clara: Who can't see it? I think all of London can see it.

Strax: May I take your coat?
Clara: Not wearing a coat.
Strax: What's all that?
Clara: Clothes.
Strax: May I take your clothes?
Clara: Probably not.
Strax: Are you wearing a hat?
Clara: It's hair!
Strax: Oh, I think it's a hat, would you like me to check?

Madame Vastra: But he is the Doctor. He has walked this universe for centuries untold. He has seen stars fall to dust. You might as well flirt with a mountain range.

Madame Vastra: Jenny and I are married, yet for appearance's sake, we maintain a pretense, in public, that she is my maid.
Jenny: Doesn't exactly explain why I'm pouring tea in private.
Madame Vastra: Hush now.
Jenny: Good pretense, isn't it?

Clara: The Doctor. What's he doing here?
Madame Vastra: There is trouble. Where else would he be?

The Doctor: No, no, shut up! What do you all have for brains--pudding? Look at you. Why can't I meet a decent species? Planet of the pudding-brains!

Clara: You got the TARDIS, then?
Strax: Military tactics. The Doctor is still missing, but he will always come looking for his box. By bringing it here, he will be lured from the dangers of London to this place of safety, and we will melt him with acid.
Clara: Okay, that last part?
Strax: And we will not melt him with acid. Old habits.

Jenny: Meanwhile, Madam Vastra is slightly occupied by the Conk-Singleton forgery case, and is having the Camberwell child-poisoner for dinner.
Clara: For dinner?
Jenny: After she's finished interrogating him. Probably best to stay out the larder. It'll get a bit noisy in there later.

07 December 2014

03 December 2014

Quotes from "The Man Who Never Was"

Sarah: (On K-9) What's he doing up there?
Luke: He's backing up the Bodleian Library. The whole lot. He wouldn't come back with me.
Mr Smith: Oh, good. Ness me, what a terrible shame.

(Luke returns home and goes to his bedroom but finds it now Sky's Room) 
Luke: Oh. Right, yeah. Not my room any more.

Lionel Carson: I pulled rank. To impress my grandchildren, I think. I've met the great Mister Serf. I leave the technical stuff to you young people. I can't abide computers. Nothing wrong with a typewriter, says I.
Sky: What's a typewriter?
Lionel Carson: Goodness me. Make me feel even more old-fashioned, why don't you?

Mr Smith: (Deceivering a message) Grab Harrison's P E N. Full stop.
Clyde: Never been so glad to see a full stop.

(Sky is typing the words for Serf to say)
Luke: Remember, he's American.
Joseph Serf: Yee-haw! As I woke up, put my grits on the griddle, I thought, gee, what a cotton picking day to launch a new computer.
Luke: What? What? You've been watching Toy Story again.