Quotes from "The Blood Line"

Gwen: When I was about 5 or 6, my dad came home from work early. And I knew there was something wrong, I could hear voices from the kitchen. So I looked through the door and I could see him crying. Turned out money'd gone missing from work and he got the blame. So I went to get all my pocket money and I put it in his hand. Must have been about two pound fifty. He looked at me and said it wasn't about the money. He said "I can't stand anyone thinking I'm not an honest man," and I've always remembered that. Always. Because that was the first time in my life anybody had spoken to me like an adult. And then we went to the back garden and we played until dark. So that's my dad. Geraint Wynn Cooper, the nicest man in the world. And today's the day that I kill him.

Oswald: Who are you?
Jack: Captain Jack Harkness.
Oswald: No. I spent a long time in prison. And I know the smile of a man who's done terrible things. And your friends. I've been watching them. Sometimes they like you, sometimes they love you... and sometimes once or twice, fluttering away in those tiny little gaps, they fear you.
Jack: I'm from the future.
Oswald: Well, now.
Jack: I come from the future.
Oswald: Then you must know. Do we make it through this day?
Jack: The future can change. It's being written right now. One thing I do know. I've seen the stars. I have seen the universe. I have seen the human race become vast and magnificent and endless. And I wish you could see it, Oswald. I wish you could see that, too. Because then you'd know how small you've made your life.

Gwen: It's me. Still alive.
Rhys: You'd better be or there'll be trouble. Anwen says hello.
Gwen: No she doesn't. She's tiny, she hasn't a clue.
Rhys: It's okay.
Gwen: Sorry.

Mother Colasanto: It is said that it reflects your own self back at you. What can you see?
Gwen: Enough guilt to last me a lifetime. But that's okay, I'm a working mother, I don't need the Blessing to tell me that.

Gwen: But you ruined the world out there.
Mother Colasanto: The Miracle shocked the economy, the economy collapsed. We tear down in order to rebuild. Now it's almost within sight. A new world.
Gwen: Yeah, with no room for the poor or the weak or the ones who don't fit in.
Mother Colasanto: It's the way the world works now, we're just making it official.

Mother Colasanto: You'll both die, gentlemen. You'll both kill yourselves. You'll die in a pit in Shanghai. Is that what you want?
Jack: I think I've lived long enough.

Gwen: But Rex, we've got to do this. And I'm gonna to tell you why. Because I'm standing here and I'm staring at Oswald Danes. And he chose when that girl lived and he chose when that girl died. And no one should have that power. Not the rich, not the mad, not anyone.
Oswald: You're choosing now.
Gwen: Yeah, you watch me.
Oswald: You'll kill Jack and Rex and that girl Esther--all of your Torchwood team. You'll kill them all.
Gwen: Yeah. Yeah.
Oswald: You are magnificent!

Gwen: And that's what I did. In a pit in old Shanghai I brought death back to the world. They said it was like a breath, a breath that went around the whole wide world. The last breath. And then no more. We said goodbye to them then--the dads and the moms, the sick and the old, the friends and the neighbors... and the people we once met. And the people whose names we never knew. We said goodbye to them all on the day that death came back.

Oswald: Oh, soon I'll see her!
Mother Colasanto: You won't see anybody, Danes, you're going to Hell, Danes!
Oswald: That's where they go. All the bad little girls, they run straight to Hell. And I'm following!

Jack: Lucky she got a full service. There's ten funerals every hour these days. Catching up with the backlog.
Rhys: Well, that'll make us all feel better.

Quotes from "The Gathering"

Rhys: Oh, and Iris Price called by. She was looking for painkillers.
Gwen: She gets a bloody headache and expects to go to the top of the list. Tell her she can have them if she pays double.
Rhys: That's the same policy as PhiCorp.
Gwen: Thanks for that. Thanks a lot.

Rex: Sir, I should tell you that smoking is still illegal inside.
Allen Shapiro: It can't kill you. Not anymore.
Rex: But they still haven't changed the building's insurance.
Allen Shapiro: Insurance companies went bust along with half the Western world. Oh, did I tell you? Gas allowances have been halved. You are way over limit.

Rex: For the past two months, every move we make we get blocked.
Allen Shapiro: Yeah, well, I wish it were me. Then you could shoot me and I could sleep.
Rex: Yeah, I'd like that very much, sir.

Allen Shapiro: The latest from the White House is that they're gonna stop all immigration. China closed its borders, now we're gonna do the same. Every passing day we are taking one step closer to a dictatorship. And we don't even know who the real dictators are.

Gwen: I want to ask one thing first. At your trial, you said about that girl, "she should should have run faster. Did you really say that?
Oswald: Yes I did.
Gwen: Right, okay. 'Cause let me tell you, Oswald, I used to be a policewoman and I worked with pedophiles and murderers, and God help me, I saw men so alone and damned and wretched. But that's not you. That's nothing like you. Because for the first time in my life, I've met a monster. Is that clear?
Oswald: I feel very special. And well said.

Quotes from "End of the Road"

Olivia Colasanto: He talked about you all the time, Jack. His immortal man in old New York. He never forgot.
Rex: You telling me the whole world got screwed because two gay guys had a hissy fit?
Gwen: Rex, get back in your cave.

Olivia Colasanto: You inspired him. You proved immortality was possible, and he devoted the rest of his life to finding out how to live forever.
Jack: And he did it. He's still alive, he's still young?
Olivia Colasanto: Oh yes, he's still alive. Angelo Colasanto is still alive. But he's not young. My grandfather waited all this time to live forever. And his wish came true. Too late.

Olivia Colasanto: You must be horrified.
Jack: Why would you say that?
Olivia Colasanto: He's grown so old.
Jack: That's how I see the whole world. He's still young compared to me.

Allen Shapiro: People seem to be talking over me, which is fascinating and rare. And forbidden. I'll come back to you.

Allen Shapiro: So these are the Torchwood clowns?
Gwen: Torchwood did more to piece this together than the entire C.I.A.
Allen Shapiro: You're that English girl, Cooper. Have I got that right?
Gwen: No, I'm not English and I'm not a girl.

Rex: Sir, sir, with all due respect, Gwen Cooper has proven herself to be extremely useful. I think it's worth keeping her on our side.
Allen Shapiro: Did you sleep with her?
Gwen: Pardon me?!?
Rex: No sir, I did not.
Allen Shapiro: Because most women that bitter, you slept with.

Allen Shapiro: (to Jack) And what is it with you, Red Baron? Is Snoopy up your ass? (everyone snickers)
Gwen: That's funny.

Rex: Well, Brian Friedkin's a Category 1, the economy's going into a freefall, and one man died. So, how was your day?
Noah Vickers: Welcome back, Rex. Things were kind of quiet without you.

Allen Shapiro: You making a personal call, Drummond?
Esther: No. Sorry, sir.
Charlotte Wills: Is that Mr. Shapiro? You tell him, "Yes, it's personal. Yes, it's important. And yes his wife called. And I sent her flowers on his behalf."
Allen Shapiro: Charlotte Wills. Bane of my life.

Jilly Kitzinger: First I'm trying to set up a joint appearance for you with Madison Wheatley. She's the Bisected Bride. You know, car accident sheared off everything below the bikini line. Got married a week later, propped up on a box. Basically she's made up of positive thinking and colostomy bags.

Jilly Kitzinger: Shawnie Yamaguchi.
Shawnie: That is correct.
Jilly Kitzinger: Go get me a sandwich. Tomato and Swiss on sourdough. And see how well you cope with that. Then you can find me a prostitute.
Shawnie: I'm sorry?
Jilly Kitzinger: Start with the sandwich.

Allen Shapiro: This is a hell of a lot better than nicotine gum, let me tell you. You know what the rumor is from Washington? If cancer cells are immortal, well, then the Miracle switched them around and made them just plain mortal. They're keeping it quiet in case there's an outbreak of spontaneous joy. I mean we can't have that. But it means we've got nothing to worry about. We can smoke our way into the next Great Depression.

Allen Shapiro: Well, I'm sorry, Miss Cooper, but from this moment on, Torchwood is defunct. You will be removed from American soil immediately, and God help Great Britain.

Quotes from "Immortal Sins"

Jack: You should save your money, Angelo Colasanto. Next couple of years, earn as much as you can. Save it all up. Because you're going to need it, bad times ahead.
Angelo Colasanto: Why? What's going to happen?
Jack: Oh. So many things. Don't worry, it gets better. Then it gets worse again.
Angelo Colasanto: You talk funny.
Jack: I'm a very funny man.

Jack: What are you looking for? I mean, in America.
Angelo Colasanto: Speed. Change. New things. People moving so fast they're not looking at me, so I can move faster on my own. Faster than anyone.
Jack: Spoken like a true American.

Angelo Colasanto: Where are you from? American visa, British passport.
Jack: A magical island called Torchwood.
Angelo Colasanto: What does that mean? You keep saying things that don't make sense.
Jack: You'll learn to love it. Makes me more interesting.

Jack: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. So many times. And that's just today. It's been about, oh, 700 years since my last confession. Where do I start? How about the triplets? Or the naked circus? Or that Sapphic leapfrog jamboree?

Young Priest: The Volstead Act makes an exception for sacramental wine. And the brothers upstate produce more than we can use.
Jack: The extra income feeds a lot of widows and orphans, I'm sure.
Young Priest: Yes. We're doing this entirely for charity. Every last cent.
Angelo Colasanto: It's not very good.
Jack: It's the blood of Christ, Angelo. I'm sure it's good enough.

Gwen: I don't remember. Just east.
Jack: Did they say get on the Ten going east? Or on the eastbound 10 Freeway? Or what? If they said highway, they could be from back east. If their grammar was wrong, it could mean that English is not their first language.
Gwen: I didn't notice anything wrong with it.
Jack: You're Welsh, you wouldn't notice if the vowels were missing.
Gwen: Button it!

Gwen: That's what I'm saying, have you got what I'm saying to you, Jack? What I'm saying is "no more." Because I know exactly what you're thinking, Jack Harkness. I know it. "She won't do this, not really. Not my Gwen. Oh Gwen, she can't hurt me. Gwen loves me, she'd never hand me in." Well this is about my daughter, and I swear, for her sake, I will see you killed like a dog right in front of me if it means her back in my arms. Understood?
Jack: Understood. And let me tell you, now that I'm mortal, I'm going to hang on to this with everything that I've got. I love you, Gwen Cooper, but I will rip your skin from your skull before I let you take this away from me. Understood?

Angelo Colasanto: Besides, I always hoped... if God is love, maybe He loves me, too.
Jack: That's blasphemy.
Angelo Colasanto: That's Christianity.

Jack: It's a species of brain spawn treated as vermin on more than one hundred and fifty planets that I know of. And valued as dinner one other. they taste like oysters.
Angelo Colasanto: You did not.
Jack: I had to be polite.

Jack: I came back, Angelo. I came back for you. Believe me, I have never done that before. I--I even got us that same old room.
Angelo Colasanto: You came back for me?
Jack: Yes. Yes I did. You don't know whether to hit me or to kiss me, do you? Come on, you can try both. 

Gwen: What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? Not just on Earth.
Jack: I'm not doing this, I'm not giving final speeches.
Gwen: Understand me, anywhere in the universe.
Jack: I saw a firebird once. A tiny little thing, even smaller than a humming bird. Literally made of fire. It only lives for a minute. It blazes different colors. It sings. It gets so bright you have to close your eyes. And when you open them, it's gone. But the image stays behind your eyelids for longer than it was alive.

Quotes from "The Middle Men"

Zheng Yibao: I asked my uncle what happened. He told me to never to question a miracle. You may not like what you find.

Rex: My name is Rex Matheson. I'm with the CIA. I'm on an operation inside the San Pedro Overflow. No, strike that. I'm not with the CIA or any U.S. government authority. I'm with Torchwood.

Ralph: We murdered her.
Maloney: No, no. The modules were designed to kill. Therefore death within this compound is legal.
Ralph: How does that work?
Maloney: Because I say so.

Gwen: They built a concentration camp here in Britain today and you--you, you are one of the staff.
Dr. Patel: The entire healthcare system is about to collapse. What else am I supposed to do?
Gwen: You say no. You say no, that's what you do. For the love of God, you say no.
Dr. Patel: I can't.
Gwen: Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare look at me and tell me you're obeying orders. Don't you bloody dare. Oh, one more thing. Don't call yourself a doctor, not anymore. Shame on you.

Jack: Your name is Janet Rae Tanner. You're 27 years old, 5'9", 119 lbs. The youngest daughter of Gerald and Elaine Tanner of Nantucket, Massachusetts. You moved to California to attend college where you earned a bachelor's degree in art history. You currently reside in a Westwood apartment. You go to the gym three times a week. And you drive your hybrid downtown every day to an administrative assistant position at Phicorp Industries.
Janet: And you're some creepy stalker dude last seen on America's Most Wanted.
Jack: I may be wanted, but it's not what you think.

Hat Check Boy: Love the vintage coat.
Jack: Thanks. Maybe the three of us should have a drink sometime.
Hat Check Boy: The three of us?
Jack: You, me, and the coat.

Gwen: Where the hell were you?
Rhys: I was on time, only this officious bastard held me up.
Gwen: Well, why didn't you just run him over or something?
Rhys: I'm not the run-over type and you know that.

Quotes from "The Categories of Life"

Gwen: Yvonne Pallister.
Rhys: Yes indeed, madam. I'm your driver. Might I ask, is there any luggage to pick up?
Gwen: No. The only thing you'll be picking up is me.
Rhys: That'll be a pleasure.
Gwen: I don't think I like the tone of your voice.
Rhys: And what are you going to do about it?
Gwen: Many things. (kisses him)

Gwen: Who's with Anwen?
Rhys: No one. I left her with petrol and a cigarette lighter.

PC Andy: It might be chaos but at least it works.
Gwen: Andy, don't be so thick.
PC Andy: Well, it's nice to have you back.

Gwen: I need to move a patient. It's urgent.
Guard: Then you really need to speak to one of the care workers over there. They can tell you how to process your claim.
Gwen: It's not a claim. I haven't bumped my car. We're talking about my father.

Gwen: Bloody categories. All the things I fought with Torchwood and what stops me? Red tape.
Rhys: We'll find another way, Gwen.
Gwen: Yes, and I'll tell you what it is. We're gonna break in here, we're going to find my father, and we're going to get him out. Tonight.

Vera: So this name, Torchwood. You're like investigators?
Jack: More like freedom fighters.
Vera: That makes you sound like terrorists.

Rex: Look, Torchwood's gone, okay? It's just a name these days. Just kind of works as a codeword to connect us, that's all.
Vera: So am I Torchwood now?
Jack: Welcome aboard.
Vera: Not sure if that's good or bad.

Jack: All I get is a kiss?
Esther: You look after yourself. You're unique. You're Category Jack. So don't you go getting into trouble. 

Colin Maloney: Ah, look at you. You're thin as a twig. Bet you'd snap easily.
Vera: I'm getting there, yeah.

Colin Maloney: This is my first tour but I think we might get some important people wanting to visit, you know?
Dr. Vera Juarez: Hmm.
Colin Maloney: I've got a line on Hilary I'm feeling really good about.
Dr. Vera Juarez: Hilary Clinton?
Colin Maloney: Nah, Hilary Duff.

Quotes from "Escape to L.A."

Gwen: Wow, look at the horizon. We've reached the edge of America.
Jack: It's been decades since I've seen the Pacific. Must be about 70 years.
Esther: Are you kidding me, you say things like that?
Jack: Oh-ho-ho. I wonder.

Landlord: I don't suppose it's any good asking who you are.
Jack: We're traveling circus folk.
Rex: Yeah, and he's the clown.
Gwen: I'm the bearded woman but I've shaved.
Jack: Yeah, you missed a bit.

Landlord: By the way, if you get hungry, there's a cafe on the corner that does a guava jalapeno cheese tart that's just fabulous. Laters.
Rex: Fabulous? What is it with you? You make everybody around you gay?
Jack: That's the plan.

Gwen: No, you know what Torchwood's like. It's terrible. I mean, we're living in this... shed thing. And there's no electricity, there's no water, it's dark and cold and damp.
Rhys: I thought it was boiling hot in Los Angeles all year round.
Gwen: Yeah, well, they lied, Rhys, they lied.

Gwen: Anyway, so how's my little girl?
Rhys: Don't call me that, Gwen.
Gwen: You're very funny.

Jack: George Eliot wrote this chapter in Middlemarch. She said that if you take a piece of metal with random scratches written all over and hold a flame up to the metal, the scratches look like they're forming patterns, circling around the light. And that's Oswald. He's blazing away, and patterns are starting to revolve around him and all we have to do is keep watching.

Jilly Kitzinger: Listen, clear the schedule. It is Oswald 24-7 from here on out. Dr. Juarez!
Dr. Vera Juarez: This is disgusting.
Jilly Kitzinger: I know!

Gwen: Who the hell are you?
The Gentleman: Names aren't important right now.
Gwen: Oh, great, he's cryptic.

The Gentleman: It's got to be said Miracle Day has hardly been advantageous for those in my line of work-- the day the killing stopped. But I can't tell you, Jack, how wonderful it is, how truly wonderful it is to meet somebody who's mortal. It's my holy grail.
Gwen: If he's the only one that can die, then it's in your interest to keep him alive.
The Gentleman: That's exactly what I'm doing. Haven't you noticed the absence of killing?

Gwen: He was just about to tell us.
Rex: Thanks? Anybody? Thanks?
Gwen: And you shot him in the throat!
Rex: Well, dead is dead.

Jack: Thanks again for saving my ass yesterday.
Rex: I was saving her ass. You were just gravy.

Quotes from "Dead of Night"

Rex: We both know I can't "kill" you. But you see, the beauty of this miracle is, if I shoot you just right, maybe you'll live in agony for, who knows how long, maybe a thousand years? Now you think about that. Because I've always wondered what part of the brain is memories, or personality, or... what lets you control your own bladder.

Gwen: And food, everybody is panicked by. So I had to go to the petrol station and all they had was crisps.
Esther: Oh, I think you mean "gas station" and "chips." Crisps are called "chips" over here.
Gwen: Thank you, Mrs. Translation.

Jack: You should be in the hospital.
Gwen: Hey, less of the sympathy. He can keep working, the bastard.
Rex: You're gonna keep just going on and on about your kid, huh? Do you want her here with us? Hmm? Maybe she can go play in that corner where the lead paint chips look, uh, extra tasty.

Gwen: And this lemonade--this lemonade is flat.
Esther: It's lemonade, it's supposed to be flat.
Gwen: What, fizzy fizzy lemonade?
Esther: It's fizzy in the UK and flat in the U.S.
Gwen: Hmm, just about sums it up.

Rex: All right, so we've got a mission. First thing we need to do is steal a new car.
Jack: Uh, hm-mm. So who's giving the orders?
Rex: Okay, Torchwood. What do you say?
Jack: We need to steal a new car.

Rex: There's somebody's dry-cleaning back here. And it's my size. I'm taking these. My clothes are stinking. Ladies, avert your eyes. That includes you, World War II.
Jack: See, these new phones aren't bad. The camera's good quality, too.
Rex: I know you didn't just take a picture of me changing my pants.
Gwen: You're changing your pants?
Esther: Pants mean trousers.

Esther: (seeing Gwen knock out a guard) You've done that before.
Gwen: So many times.

Dr. Murphy: No baby is a mistake.
Dr. Vera Juarez: What hospital are you from?
Dr. Murphy: Providence. Dr. Carey Murphy.
Dr. Vera Juarez: Yeah, I was a Catholic too once. I got better.

Jack: My arm is itching.
Gwen: Poor baby.
Jack: I think it's infected.
Gwen: You know you're worse than Rhys. It's itching because it's healing. Now stop it, Jack.

Jilly Kitzinger: Now we have a very important meeting to go to. So you can get cleaned up on the plane to Dulles.
Oswald: Dulles, why?
Jilly Kitzinger: These are the times that make men, Oswald. So it's your choice. Stay where you are, or stand up tall and stride across the skin of the world. Which is it?

Jack: I'm loving this hangover. I knew mortality would make life more intense. Ow!
Rex: Hey, don't touch my pills. I need that for legitimate pain.
Jack: I need them too.
Rex: You weren't impaled.
Jack: You should have seen the other guy. Oh, that face. Rex doesn't like his jokes too gay.
Rex: No, Rex doesn't like men in their 40s acting like they're 20.
Gwen: Oh, we've got a winner. Now hush.

Quotes from "Rendition"

Gwen: They can't do this! I'm a British citizen on British soil.
Rhys: Yeah? Well, you've been too busy watching aliens. The fact is the Americans have been getting away with this for years.
Rex: Hey hey hey hey, what is that supposed to be? Criticism? What are you gonna do, write your MP? 

Rex: No no no. This operation is mine. I thought of it. It's my idea, my execution.
Lyn Peterfield: You want to piss on the plane? Make that yours too?

Gwen: How's that cut on your arm?
Jack: I'll survive. I'm mortal, not dying. Well, technically I guess I am dying, but slowly.

Gwen: This thing that's happening to the world, this miracle. It must have something to do with you.
Jack: Great, so it's my fault.
Gwen: Can't be a coincidence, Jack.
Rhys: Of course it's not coincidence. Doesn't mean to say it's his fault.
Jack: Rhys, are you defending me?
Rhys: Well, actually it all got switched, didn't it? Nothing to do with Jack if the wires got crossed. Everything mortal becomes immortal. so everything immortal becomes mortal. See? I can be useful.

Rex: It's, uh, Danny, right? Now, listen, I'm not gay, but, uh, I'll let you feel me up if you go get me a vodka.
Danny: Oh, I'm not gay either.
Rex: All right then, well, I'll let you feel her up if you get me a vodka.

Gwen: I started to think it'd be like some kind of fairy tale. It'd be an old woman and you'd just turn up out of the blue, visit my granddaughter. I'd be ancient and you'd be exactly the same. Where did you go, Jack?
Jack: A long way away.
Gwen: And did it help?

(examining Jack's vortex manipulator) 
Rex: Hey, lovebirds. Let me ask you a question. What the hell is this thing? Huh? All it does is go bleep.
Jack: So give it back to me.
Rex: Yeah, I'm sure you'd like that. What does it do, measure how mortal you are?
Jack: Still don't believe me?
Rex: Please.
Jack: The whole world can't die, but I'm the one who's being ridiculous.

Rex: Dr. Juarez, it's your favorite patient here and you have something that I want.
Dr. Vera Juarez: You sound like my ex-husband.
Rex: Really? So does he call wanting drugs and sex?
Dr. Vera Juarez: Yes.
Rex: Good man. But for now I'll just settle for the drugs.

Jack: Hey, can we have something to drink?
Danny: I am not allowed to talk to you.
Jack: Give it to us silently.
Danny: I am not allowed to talk to you.
Lyn Peterfield: They can have water. It's okay, I can supervise it.
Jack: Water? I'm American, too. Can't I contribute to our global cultural hegemony with a nice frosty cola? 

Jilly Kitzinger: I'm needed in Washington. You hold onto my card, sir. Cause there's a reason the churches are empty. People don't want to hear about Heaven. They'd rather hear from a man who has gazed into Hell itself, and that's you. And frankly I think if the Devil himself were to walk this earth, he'd need representation.
Oswald: If the Devil himself walked this earth, he'd surely be working in PR.

Gwen: You went to supervise him, that's what you said. Supervise. Who needs supervising pouring a drink? What did you supervise, exactly?
Lyn Peterfield: So now you're accusing anyone.
Gwen: It's either you or the big gay steward. So that means only you.
Danny: I'm not gay.

Rex: This is the mortal man, the one I was telling you about. Seriously, I think this man can die.
Jack: Now you believe me.
Rex: You shut up.

Danny: Be careful, its my good tie.
Gwen: You're definitely not gay.
Danny: It was one time, okay?

Gwen: That was your last chance.
Lyn Peterfield: Yeah? What are you going to do about it? If you're the best England has to offer, God help you.
Gwen: I'm Welsh. (punches her unconscious)

Rex: Hey, uh, I just remembered, there's one final piece of legislation necessary to make this a full and proper rendition. And according to recent amendments to U.S. Code Section 3184 and Section 3185 in transferring prisoners from air side to land side, the law clearly states that, ah, once they touch down on American soil, they have free and easy access to one very important thing.
Gwen: And what's that?
Rex: Bullshit.

Rex: Now come on and follow me.
Gwen: Hey! You get us arrested, okay? You break up my family, you nearly get Jack killed. Why should we go anywhere with you?
Rex: Because I have a car.

Esther: What the hell was that? Was that Lyn? What the hell is going on?
Gwen: Welcome to Torchwood.

Quotes from "The New World"

Esther: The paramedics, they said he didn't stand a chance.
Dr. Vera Juarez: Looks like someone changed the rules. Miracles got... easy. It's not just Rex who's still alive. It's everyone else.

Oswald: I can guarantee, Mr. Peterssen, that when I talk of lawyers, I mean the team who will be suing the Governor. And I mean the Governor himself, not his office, but the actual man. They will be suing him for wrongful imprisonment. And I promise you that they will sue his ass to high heaven, 'til angels sing songs of him in their laments.

Rex: Do I get better? Do I heal? Do I just hurt for the rest of my life? Because of this thing keeps going, the rest of my life is for forever, right?
Dr. Vera Juarez: Rex, now listen to me. Because you might want to take something into consideration. Maybe you were lucky. You should have died last night. But when this... thing happened, the miracle, it gave me time to fix you. Without the miracle, you'd be dead.
Rex: It's like someone cast a spell on the whole world. But what happens when it stops? What happens to me then? Do I die?

Esther: Oh my God. Is he going to die?
Jack: Don't worry about it. No one dies these days.

Geraint Cooper: There she is. Princess.
Mary Cooper: Look at her, love. She's huge.
Gwen: She's perfectly normal, Mum.
Mary Cooper: But you've been frugal. What you feeding her, lard?
Gwen: Yes, Mum. I'm feeding her lard. Keep telling her that and by the time she's 13, she'll have a complete psychological complex.

Rex: And what the hell is this bridge? The Severn Bridge?
Esther: It connects England to Wales.
Rex: You mean Wales is separate? Uh. It's like the British equivalent of New Jersey.

Gwen: So much for tying him up.
Rhys: I've never tied up a person.
Gwen: Men are good at knots. How many times have you told me that?
Rhys: Yeah, at Christmas.
Rex: Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. I had a pole through my chest. I was dead, then I wasn't. I had to pay for this bridge. And now I want to know what the hell is going on, all right? Because I was dead and now I'm not.

Quotes from "Children of Earth (5)"

Gwen: There's one thing I always meant to ask Jack. Back in the old days. I wanted to know about that Doctor of his. The man who appears out of nowhere and saves the world. Except sometimes he doesn't. All those times in history when there was no sign of him. I wanted to know why not. But I don't need to ask anymore. I know the answer now. Sometimes the Doctor must look at this planet and turn away in shame. I'm recording this in case anyone ever finds it, so you can see. You can see how the world ended.

Colonel Oduya: Mr Dekker, I take it. You managed to survive.
Mr Dekker: I just stood back, sir. A strategy that's worked all my life.

Rhys: Hey, she's pregnant.
Gwen: Oh, thank you. Who's she when she's at home?
PC Andy: Bloody hellfire. Who's the father?
Rhys: Oh, I'm slapping you, yeah.

PC Andy: You know Ianto?
Gwen: Mmm-hmm.
PC Andy: Was he gay?
Gwen: Shut up.
PC Andy: They might not know
Gwen: Well, in which case, do not say.
PC Andy: Well, that proves my point.

Gwen: Couldn't have just chosen a pub, could you?
Rhys: It's bloody freezing. My feet.
Jack: Oh, I miss that, the Welsh complaining. You look good.
Gwen: I look huge.
Rhys: She's bloody gorgeous.

Gwen: They died. And I am sorry, Jack, but you cannot just run away. You cannot run away.
Jack: Oh, yes I can. Just watch me.

Quotes from "Children of Earth (4)"

Jack: How many children do they want?
Venessa: Twelve. It's like a sacrifice to the ancient gods. Twelve virgins.
Jack: Just 12? Sounds like a good deal. What do they want them for?
Venessa: They say they'll live forever.
Jack: Yeah. Sure. Why do you need me?
Venessa: Well, assuming 12 children can be found, then we need someone to deliver them.
Jack: What, in case the aliens are hostile? You need someone who can't die?
Venessa: Actually, we need someone who doesn't care.

Alice Carter: I can only assume that you're holding me here as insurance against my father. But let me warn you, if you've angered him, then God help you.
Johnson: This from the woman who spent her life running away from him.
Alice Carter: And why do you think I did that? A man who can't die has got nothing to fear. So you watch it and you keep watching.

Jack: There's a saying here on Earth. A very old, very wise friend of mine taught me it. An injury to one is an injury to all. And when people act according to that philosophy, the human race is the finest species in the universe.
Ianto: Never mind the philosophy. What he's saying is you're not getting one solitary, single child. The deal is off.
Jack: Uh, I like the philosophy.
Ianto: I gathered.

Jack: It's all my fault.
Ianto: No, it's not.
Jack: Don't speak. Save your breath.
Ianto: I love you.. I...
Jack: Don't. Ianto. Ianto. Ianto, stay with me. Ianto, stay with me, please. Please.
Ianto: Hey... It was good, yeah?
Jack: Yeah.
Ianto: Don't forget me.
Jack: Never could.
Ianto: A thousand years' time, you won't remember me.
Jack: Yes, I will. I promise. I will.

Quotes from "Children of Earth (3)"

Gwen: So what do we do? Hmm? Just sit here?
Jack: Worse than that, do I have to stay in these clothes? I mean, come on, tracksuit bottoms? Not a good look. 

Jack: I'm a fixed point in time and space, that's what the Doctor says. I think that means it's forever.

Jack: So, we've got guns. Okay. And a pen knife, laptop, now dead, credit cards and a phone, which they can trace, Lemsip, book of stamps, pair of contact lenses and 15 quid.
Gwen: Plus 25 pence. With some bloody alien thing turning up today.
Ianto: We've still got some of the Torchwood software, though. We've lost the Hub, but the software still exists on the server. Trouble is, we're gonna need some more equipment. Not to mention electricity.
Rhys: And how are we gonna manage that, hidden away like criminals?
Gwen: Well, that's it. Brilliant.
Rhys: What?
Gwen: Criminals. Thieves. Us. Well, they're treating us like criminals, let's be criminals. Listen, I trained with the police. I know every trick in the book. Seen the lot. Come on, boys. You're gonna learn some tricks. 

456: We have a request.
John Frobisher: By all means.
456: We want a gift.
John Frobisher: Of course. But, uh, what nature of gift, exactly?
456: A gift.
John Frobisher: Gladly. But what do you want?
456: We want... your children. We will take your children.

Quotes from "Children of Earth (2)"

PC Andy: If she's anti-terrorist, I would not mind being Uncle Terrorist.

Johnson: Now do you believe (Gwen's) a terrorist?
PC Andy: She shot your wheels. What kind of terrorist shoots your wheels?
Johnson: A clever one.

Soldier: We're looking for Ianto Jones!
Johnny Davies: You're not going to find him in my bed, will you? I'm a married man.

John Frobisher: Sir, sir. I just, um... I just, um, wanted to say how grateful I am, sir.
Brian Green: What for?
John Frobisher: Well, I know that I"m something of a middle man in these affairs, but I just wanted to thank you for trusting me with the responsibility.
Brian Green: All I've done is put you on the front line. That's what the front line's for, John. First to fall. 

Gwen: You sure he's going to London?
Rhys: I don't question how you defend the world against extraterrestrial infiltration, don't you question my knowledge of the hauling industry, right?

Rhys: How are you, love?
Gwen: My best friend's belly had a bomb go off in it last night. Someone's been trying to kill us ever since. I'm travelling at 70 miles an hour on top of a bed of potatoes and I think I'm going to be sick.

Rhiannon Davies: Seriously, how'd you get in that state?
Ianto: A bomb. It was meant for me and the people I work with.
Rhiannon Davies: My God, why?
Ianto: I don't know.
Rhiannon Davies: What sort of civil servants are you?
Ianto: Unappreciated ones.

(to Gwen)
Colonel Camara: You don't look like an undertaker. If more undertakers looked like you, there'd be more of a demand for bereavement.

What?

This brilliant Doctor Who/Torchwood painting is from Berenica.

Quotes from "Children of Earth (1)"

Gwen: Who's back?
Jack: What's he doing?
Ianto: Waiting, just like you said. He's been there 20 minutes.
Jack: Persistent.
Ianto: Good sign.
Jack: Dogmatic.
Ianto: Always a plus.
Gwen: Oh, Christ, never work with a couple, you two talk like twins!

Dr. Rupesh Patanjali: My first case, my first death, was a suicide. Do you know why she did it? 'Cause she had written all these letters. She'd been a Christian all her life, and then alien life appears. She wrote this bit, she said, "It's like science has won."
Gwen: Lost her faith.
Dr. Rupesh Patanjali: More than that. She said she saw her place in the universe, and it was tiny. She died because she thought she was nothing.
Gwen: I went through that, even now I get terrified. But at the same time, it is brilliant. And beautiful. And completely bloody magic. It's bigger, you know. It's like... it's like the whole wide world is bigger. My life is bigger. 

Dr. Rupesh Patanjali: What's in there?
Gwen: Big science-fiction superbase. Honestly! See you.

Gwen: Oh my God, Severn Bridge. I'm going in to England, farewell forever.
Rhys Williams: Good luck, have you got currency?
Gwen: Yes, and I've had my injections. See ya.

(to Jack)
Alice Carter: Yeah. I just can't stand it, Dad. I look older than you do and it's never going to stop. I get older and older and you stay the same. One day you're going to be standing at my funeral, looking just like you did when you were standing at Mum's. No wonder she was so furious. You make us feel old.

Timothy White: What's that thing?
Gwen: The technical name is a gizmo.

Dr. Rupesh Patanjali: He was dead.
Johnson: Now he's dead again. And we'll keep killing him till he's ready.

Quotes from "Exit Wounds"

Jack: I was the only one who could ever control him. That's why the Time Agency partnered us.
Rhys: Did you just say time agency? Don't tell me that is based in Cardiff, too.

Captain John Hart: Come on! Sing along. It's our song.
Jack: We don't have a song. And if we did have a song, it wouldn't be this song.

PC Andy: This is a crime scene, and a confidential crime scene at that. If it gets out what happened here, there'll be a city-wide panic.
Gwen: Rhys isn't gonna go blabber.
Rhys: I'm keeping more secrets than you'd ever believe.
PC Andy: Oh, like what?
Rhys: Like a time agency based in Cardiff.
Gwen: Oh, it's not based in Cardiff.
PC Andy: Brilliant secret. I ask, you tell. Well done.

Cowled Leader: Devils! Blasphemers! Pray to your heathen god, while in the Lord's name, we cast out.
(Ianto and Tosh casually gun them down)
Ianto: There we are, then.
Tosh: Sorted.

Jack: This is a little extreme, don't you think?
Captain John Hart: Oh, what, suddenly you're anti-bondage?

Ianto: Put Jack on right now!
Captain John Hart: Eye-candy! That was so masterful, so bossy, so basically powerless.

Captain John Hart: You took your time.
Gwen: On your knees!
Captain John Hart: Honestly, it's just sex, sex, sex with you.
Gwen: Now!

Owen: I'm gonna rage my way to oblivion!
Tosh: Please don't.
Owen: Why? Give me one good blood reason why I shouldn't! One good reason why I shouldn't keep bloody screaming!
Tosh: 'Cause you're breaking my heart.
Owen: I'm sorry.

Owen: We never did get that date, did we? You and me? We sort of missed each other. It was my fault. I didn't... I didn't notice until it was too late. I'm sorry.
Tosh: Me, too.

Tosh: (played after she died) So, if you're seeing this, I guess it means I'm, well, dead. Hope it was impressive. Not crossing the road or an incident with a toaster. I just wanted to say, it's okay. It really is. Jack, you saved me. You showed me all the wonders of the universe and all those possibilities, and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Thank you. And, Owen. You never knew. I love you, all of you. And... I hope I did good.

Jack: Now we carry on.
Gwen: I don't think I can, not after this.
Jack: You can. We all can. The end is where we start from.

Quotes from "Adrift"

Gwen: Do you think I've changed?
Rhys: Eh?
Gwen: Since I joined Torchwood, am I different?
Rhys: Why?
Gwen: It's just something Andy said. Okay, let me just tell you this one thing, okay?
Rhys: Okay, go on.
Gwen: He still fancies me. (Rhys laughs) Don't laugh, Rhys. That's why he didn't come to the wedding.
Rhys: Bloody hell, poor sod.
Gwen: Oi! I'm a very sexy lady and you are a very lucky man. Just remember that, okay?
(starts removing clothing)
Rhys: We're not going to talk about kids tonight are, we?
Gwen: We could do some practising.

PC Andy: How's Rhys? Other than hungry.

Gwen: So, is that it, then? We just sweep it under the carpet?
Owen: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change."
Gwen: Oh, bollocks to serenity!
Owen: For a lovely girl, you've got a very dirty mouth.

Rhys: You save this city. Well done. You save the world. Whatever. What for?
Gwen: Sorry?
Rhys: Why are you doing it? What are you trying to protect? What are you fighting for?
Gwen: Because if I don't...
Rhys: Shut up, I'm talking now, right? You do it so people can live their lives. And there's nothing more important than that. Falling in love, getting married, buying flats, having kids or not. But real life, that's what you're protecting. And if you're starting to think that your shit is more important than real life, then we're not going to last very long here, love.

(Gwen walks in on Ianto and Jack having sex)
Gwen: Ianto, hi, I'm sorry. I didn't realise...
Ianto: It doesn't matter.
Gwen: And I wouldn't have come in if I'd known.
Jack: Always room for one more. We could have used you an hour ago for a naked hide-and-seek.
Ianto: He cheats. He always cheats.

Quotes from "From Out of the Rain"

Ianto: You were up there on the screen. Large as life.
Jack: What was I doing?
Ianto: You were on some sort of stage, outside a big tent. You seemed to be part of a travelling show.
Jack: I heard it. Heard its music. Just a snatch of it.
Ianto: That film was beautiful. All those acts performing for us. Part of history, trapped on film forever.
Jack: Their days were numbered. Cinema may have saved their images, but it finished off the travelling shows. Killed them. 

Pearl: Make her cry.
Restaurant Owner: You what?
Pearl: I want to drink her tears.

Gwen: You did stand-up.
Jack: I never did stand-up.
Gwen: Okay, then. A song and dance.
Jack: I was sensational!
Tosh: I don't believe this, Jack. What were you doing there?
Owen: He was part of this freak show.
Jack: Yeah, some things never change.
Owen: Are you being rude about me?

(describing the Night Travellers) 
Jack: I didn't work with them, I never knew anyone who did. They only performed in the dead of night. Anyway, it was just a tale that was around at that time. A ghost story. "They came from out of the rain". That's how people described them.

Jack: Ianto, you're with me. I need your local knowledge.
Gwen: Oh, is that what you're calling it these days?

Christina: Your eyes are older than your face.
Jack: Is that a bad thing?
Christina: Yes. It means you don't belong. It means you're from nowhere.

(trying to steal Owen's breath)
Ghostmaker: What are you? There's not a breath in your poor, sad body. You're no use to me.

Quotes from "Something Borrowed"

Owen: She's going ahead with the wedding.
Jack: Which is fine, as long as she doesn't go into labour at the altar. Rhys might forgive her for going down the aisle pregnant, but not giving birth to a razor-toothed monster that eats half his family.

Gwen: We're not postponing the wedding. No way.
Rhys: Forget the money, I want you where they can look after you, right? Getting married today doesn't matter.
Gwen: It matters to me! It's not about the money, Rhys. I want to marry you! Today. Whatever happens. If the skies suddenly fill full of spaceships, or an army of Weevils climb out of the drains on St. Mary's Street, you fool! Do you not understand what I'm saying, Rhys Williams? All I want to do today is marry you. That's all I want to do.

Geraint Cooper: I was with Rhys and his mates all night last night. No one said anything about Gwen being pregnant.
Mary Cooper: Well, Rhys was probably under orders. Gwen knows how to control her man.
Geraint Cooper: Studied under the mistress.

Banana: I'm Banana. I suppose you can tell why.
Tosh: You come up in spots and go soft quickly?
Banana: I'm actually the best man.
Tosh: Evolution is full of surprises.

Banana: So do you fancy a little drink later?
Tosh: I'm sorry. I'm intolerant to vasoactive amines.
Banana: Huh?
Tosh: Bananas make me vomit.

Ianto: I estimated Gwen's size from the Hub security laser scans. As you know, my dad was a master tailor. He could size a man's inside leg measurement by his stride across the shop threshold.
Jack: Ah, the family eye. Remind me to test it some time.

Owen: Besides, with that Nostrovite around, we really don't have too many options.
Ianto: He's got a point.
Jack: What is it with you? Ever since Owen died, all you ever do is agree with him.
Ianto: I was brought up never to speak ill of the dead. Even if they still do most of the talking for themselves.

Jack: What I don't understand is if people are going to make such a big deal about getting married, why come all the way out into the middle of nowhere where no one can find you to do it? That, to me, suggests inner conflict.
Ianto: It's because the happy couple want everything to be perfect.
Owen: An alien egg in your belly and its mother coming to rip you open. Yeah, perfect.

Jack: Get back, you ugly bitch!
Rhys: What the hell do you think you're doing? That's my mother!

(about Gwen) 
Owen: That's the kind of daughter every mother must dream of. Cool as ice, packing an automatic.

Rhys: Hey, are you all right?
Gwen: I'm running around in a wedding dress with what feels like a keg of lager stuck up my skirt. What do you think, Rhys?

Gwen: What will you do while I'm gone?
Jack: Oh, the usual. Pizza, Ianto, save the world a couple of times.

Ianto: That's what I love about Torchwood. By day chasing the scum of the universe. Come midnight, you're the wedding fairy.