Quotes from "The Categories of Life"

Gwen: Yvonne Pallister.
Rhys: Yes indeed, madam. I'm your driver. Might I ask, is there any luggage to pick up?
Gwen: No. The only thing you'll be picking up is me.
Rhys: That'll be a pleasure.
Gwen: I don't think I like the tone of your voice.
Rhys: And what are you going to do about it?
Gwen: Many things. (kisses him)

Gwen: Who's with Anwen?
Rhys: No one. I left her with petrol and a cigarette lighter.

PC Andy: It might be chaos but at least it works.
Gwen: Andy, don't be so thick.
PC Andy: Well, it's nice to have you back.

Gwen: I need to move a patient. It's urgent.
Guard: Then you really need to speak to one of the care workers over there. They can tell you how to process your claim.
Gwen: It's not a claim. I haven't bumped my car. We're talking about my father.

Gwen: Bloody categories. All the things I fought with Torchwood and what stops me? Red tape.
Rhys: We'll find another way, Gwen.
Gwen: Yes, and I'll tell you what it is. We're gonna break in here, we're going to find my father, and we're going to get him out. Tonight.

Vera: So this name, Torchwood. You're like investigators?
Jack: More like freedom fighters.
Vera: That makes you sound like terrorists.

Rex: Look, Torchwood's gone, okay? It's just a name these days. Just kind of works as a codeword to connect us, that's all.
Vera: So am I Torchwood now?
Jack: Welcome aboard.
Vera: Not sure if that's good or bad.

Jack: All I get is a kiss?
Esther: You look after yourself. You're unique. You're Category Jack. So don't you go getting into trouble. 

Colin Maloney: Ah, look at you. You're thin as a twig. Bet you'd snap easily.
Vera: I'm getting there, yeah.

Colin Maloney: This is my first tour but I think we might get some important people wanting to visit, you know?
Dr. Vera Juarez: Hmm.
Colin Maloney: I've got a line on Hilary I'm feeling really good about.
Dr. Vera Juarez: Hilary Clinton?
Colin Maloney: Nah, Hilary Duff.

Quotes from "Dead of Night"

Rex: We both know I can't "kill" you. But you see, the beauty of this miracle is, if I shoot you just right, maybe you'll live in agony for, who knows how long, maybe a thousand years? Now you think about that. Because I've always wondered what part of the brain is memories, or personality, or... what lets you control your own bladder.

Gwen: And food, everybody is panicked by. So I had to go to the petrol station and all they had was crisps.
Esther: Oh, I think you mean "gas station" and "chips." Crisps are called "chips" over here.
Gwen: Thank you, Mrs. Translation.

Jack: You should be in the hospital.
Gwen: Hey, less of the sympathy. He can keep working, the bastard.
Rex: You're gonna keep just going on and on about your kid, huh? Do you want her here with us? Hmm? Maybe she can go play in that corner where the lead paint chips look, uh, extra tasty.

Gwen: And this lemonade--this lemonade is flat.
Esther: It's lemonade, it's supposed to be flat.
Gwen: What, fizzy fizzy lemonade?
Esther: It's fizzy in the UK and flat in the U.S.
Gwen: Hmm, just about sums it up.

Rex: All right, so we've got a mission. First thing we need to do is steal a new car.
Jack: Uh, hm-mm. So who's giving the orders?
Rex: Okay, Torchwood. What do you say?
Jack: We need to steal a new car.

Rex: There's somebody's dry-cleaning back here. And it's my size. I'm taking these. My clothes are stinking. Ladies, avert your eyes. That includes you, World War II.
Jack: See, these new phones aren't bad. The camera's good quality, too.
Rex: I know you didn't just take a picture of me changing my pants.
Gwen: You're changing your pants?
Esther: Pants mean trousers.

Esther: (seeing Gwen knock out a guard) You've done that before.
Gwen: So many times.

Dr. Murphy: No baby is a mistake.
Dr. Vera Juarez: What hospital are you from?
Dr. Murphy: Providence. Dr. Carey Murphy.
Dr. Vera Juarez: Yeah, I was a Catholic too once. I got better.

Jack: My arm is itching.
Gwen: Poor baby.
Jack: I think it's infected.
Gwen: You know you're worse than Rhys. It's itching because it's healing. Now stop it, Jack.

Jilly Kitzinger: Now we have a very important meeting to go to. So you can get cleaned up on the plane to Dulles.
Oswald: Dulles, why?
Jilly Kitzinger: These are the times that make men, Oswald. So it's your choice. Stay where you are, or stand up tall and stride across the skin of the world. Which is it?

Jack: I'm loving this hangover. I knew mortality would make life more intense. Ow!
Rex: Hey, don't touch my pills. I need that for legitimate pain.
Jack: I need them too.
Rex: You weren't impaled.
Jack: You should have seen the other guy. Oh, that face. Rex doesn't like his jokes too gay.
Rex: No, Rex doesn't like men in their 40s acting like they're 20.
Gwen: Oh, we've got a winner. Now hush.