Quotes from "Last Christmas" (Part 2)

Professor Albert: They're a bit like facehuggers, aren't they?
The Doctor: Face...huggers?
Professor Albert: Yeah, you know. Alien. The horror movie, Alien.
The Doctor: There's a horror movie called Alien? That's really offensive, no wonder everyone keeps invading you.

The Doctor: Clara, could you fetch me the dead one?
Clara: Maybe I could fetch you a cup of tea while I'm at it.
The Doctor: Oooh... (Clara glares) yes, and a punch in the face, too.
Clara: My very next suggestion.
The Doctor: Fair enough.

Danny: Do you know why people get together at Christmas? Because every time they do, it might be the last time. Every Christmas is last Christmas, and this is ours. This was a bonus, this was extra.

Shona: You're a dream who's trying to save us.
Santa Claus: Shona, sweetheart, I'm Santa Claus. I think you just defined me.

Shona: I'm scared.
The Doctor: Congratulations, that means you're not an idiot.

The Doctor: Do you know what I hate about the obvious?
Clara: What?
The Doctor: Missing it.

Santa Claus: Hey! Do you want to take the reins, Doctor?
The Doctor: You're a dream construct, currently representing either my recovering or expiring mind.
Santa Claus: Yes, but do you want a go?
The Doctor: Yeah, all right!

The Doctor: These are Christmas hats. I've seen people use them. They put them on, and absolutely anything seems funny.
Clara: Oh. Probably won't work on you.
The Doctor: Probably not. You want me to try?
Clara: Go on, then.

The Doctor: The TARDIS is outside.
Clara: Sorry?
The Doctor: So all of time and all space is sitting out there in that big blue box. Please, don't even argue.

Quotes from "Last Christmas" (Part 1)

Ian: You know, no one really likes the tangerines, don't you?
Santa Claus: How dare you? They're my signature gift. That and the walnut.

Santa Claus: How did you think those presents got under the tree every year? By magic?
Clara: Well, I thought it was my mum and...
Wolf and Ian: Mum and dad?
Wolf: Well, of course it was. It makes perfect sense.
Ian: Yeah, your mum and dad one day a year for no particular reason, just out of the blue, suddenly decide to give you a great big pile of presents.
Wolf: No no no. Because they love you so much. It's a lovely story, dear.
Ian: Yeah, but it's time to start living in the real world.

Ashley: Who the hell are you?
The Doctor: Oh, go on, take a guess, push the boat out. Tooth Fairy, maybe? The Easter Bunny?
Ian: Shut your mouth, wiseguy, or you get yours.
Wolf: It's a balloon animal.
Ian: That's a toy gun.
Wolf: Yeah, but at least it's unsuitable for children under 4. Parts small enough to swallow. So, uh, watch out.

Shona: The North Pole isn't an actual pole.
Ian: Of course it is. Look!
Shona: If it was an actual pole, it would not be stripey.
Wolf: It's got to be stripey.
Ian: Otherwise you couldn't see it moving around.
Wolf: Umm, it's your basic physics.

The Doctor: You know what the big problem is in telling fantasy from reality apart?
Ashley: What?
The Doctor: They're both ridiculous.

Clara: So we don't know what is real and what isn't?
The Doctor: Exactly.
Clara: Are we in danger?
The Doctor: Oh, we are well past danger, Clara. If I'm right, and I usually am, we're dying.

The Doctor: You missed the killer question.
Shona: Say what?
The Doctor: Beardy-weirdy.
Santa Claus: Yeah?
The Doctor: How'd you get all the questions in the sleigh.
Santa Claus: Bigger on the inside.
Wolf: Oooohhhh.