Quotes from "Last Christmas" (Part 1)

Ian: You know, no one really likes the tangerines, don't you?
Santa Claus: How dare you? They're my signature gift. That and the walnut.

Santa Claus: How did you think those presents got under the tree every year? By magic?
Clara: Well, I thought it was my mum and...
Wolf and Ian: Mum and dad?
Wolf: Well, of course it was. It makes perfect sense.
Ian: Yeah, your mum and dad one day a year for no particular reason, just out of the blue, suddenly decide to give you a great big pile of presents.
Wolf: No no no. Because they love you so much. It's a lovely story, dear.
Ian: Yeah, but it's time to start living in the real world.

Ashley: Who the hell are you?
The Doctor: Oh, go on, take a guess, push the boat out. Tooth Fairy, maybe? The Easter Bunny?
Ian: Shut your mouth, wiseguy, or you get yours.
Wolf: It's a balloon animal.
Ian: That's a toy gun.
Wolf: Yeah, but at least it's unsuitable for children under 4. Parts small enough to swallow. So, uh, watch out.

Shona: The North Pole isn't an actual pole.
Ian: Of course it is. Look!
Shona: If it was an actual pole, it would not be stripey.
Wolf: It's got to be stripey.
Ian: Otherwise you couldn't see it moving around.
Wolf: Umm, it's your basic physics.

The Doctor: You know what the big problem is in telling fantasy from reality apart?
Ashley: What?
The Doctor: They're both ridiculous.

Clara: So we don't know what is real and what isn't?
The Doctor: Exactly.
Clara: Are we in danger?
The Doctor: Oh, we are well past danger, Clara. If I'm right, and I usually am, we're dying.

The Doctor: You missed the killer question.
Shona: Say what?
The Doctor: Beardy-weirdy.
Santa Claus: Yeah?
The Doctor: How'd you get all the questions in the sleigh.
Santa Claus: Bigger on the inside.
Wolf: Oooohhhh.