Quotes from "The Caretaker" (Part 1)

Clara: There's no way out of this. We're gonna die here.
The Doctor: Pass me the vibrocutters.
Clara: They're in my pocket.
The Doctor: Come on, then, pass it to me.
Clara: In my other jacket. At home.
The Doctor: Why have you got two jackets? Is one of them faulty?
Clara: Look, I don't have the vibrocutters. If I had the vibrocutters, I wouldn't be able to pass you the vibrocutters. We're going to starve to death out here.
The Doctor: Of course we won't starve. The sand piranhas will get us long before that.

Clara: So, where we off to?
The Doctor: Clara, you... look lovely today. Have you had a wash?
Clara: Why you being nice?
The Doctor: Because it works on you.

Clara: You're being mysterious, and do you know what that means?
The Doctor: I'm a man of mystery.
Clara: Hmm. It means that you are a very clever man making the mistake, common to very clever people, of assuming that everybody else is stupid. Where are you going?
The Doctor: Undercover. Deep cover.
Clara: Can you do deep cover?
The Doctor: What do you mean?
Clara: Have you seen you?
The Doctor: Of course I can do deep cover!
Clara: Where? The Magic Circle?

Clara: You cannot pass yourself off as a real person among actual people.
The Doctor: I lived among otters once for a month. Well, I sulked. River and I, we had this big fight...
Clara: Human beings are not otters!
The Doctor: Exactly, it'll be even easier.

The Doctor: Jane Austen wrote Pride and Prejudice in 1796.
Clara: This is Mr Smith, the temporary caretaker, and he's a bit confused.
The Doctor: Not in 1797, because she didn't have the time. She was so busy...
Clara: Oh, I suppose she was your bezzie mate, was she? And you went on holidays together and then you got kidnapped by Boggons from space and then you all formed a band and met Buddy Holly.
The Doctor: No, I read the book. There's a bio in the back.

The Doctor: Can't you read?
Courtney Woods: Course I can read. Read what?
The Doctor: The door. It says, "Keep Out."
Courtney Woods: No, it says, "Go Away Humans."
The Doctor: Oh, so it does. Never lose your temper in the middle of a door sign.