Quotes from "Sleeper"

Police Officer: In my opinion, the husband did it. He was looking for trouble, expecting to be burgled.
Jack: Really?
Police Officer: Yeah, look. No other reason I can think of for keeping sports equipment in the basement.
Jack: Oh, you should come around to my house for a game of hockey sometime.

Mike Halloran: I don't remember the doctor saying anything about resting my mouth.
Beth Halloran: Actually he did. He was very specific. No talking for a whole week.
Mike Halloran: Lies, lies, why so many lies?

Ianto: "Just us and this room for as long as it takes." Terrifying.
Jack: Really?
Ianto: Absolutely. Shivers down my spine.
Jack: You don't look scared.
Ianto: Oh, it passed.

Beth Halloran: Who are you people? Don't you have any windows?
Gwen: It wouldn't really be in-keeping with the whole secrecy thing, people looking in, would it?
(Beth stops to examine a monitor) 
Ianto: We don't sniff the sub-etheric resonator!
Beth Halloran: Sorry.

Tosh: You said we weren't allowed to use that again.
Jack: It's just a mind probe.
Ianto: You remember what happened last time you used it?
Jack: That was different and that species has extremely high blood pressure.
Ianto: Oh, right. Their heads must explode all the time.
Gwen: Jack, you can't do this. What if you're wrong? If she is human, it'll kill her.
Jack: I'm not wrong. We have to find out what she is.
Tosh: Take it easy, Jack. Stop at the first sign of trouble.
Ianto: Or the first sign of exploding.

Beth Halloran: Will it hurt?
Jack: Yeah.
Beth Halloran: Your bedside manner's rubbish.
Gwen: You should see his manners in bed. They're atrocious. Apparently, so I've heard.
Ianto: Oh, they are. I remember...
(Jack clears his throat)

Gwen: Do you feel human?
Beth Halloran: Yes.
Gwen: Yes, well, then you are. What makes us human? Is it our minds or our bodies?

Jack: Tosh, you switched off the transceiver?
Tosh: Yes.
Jack: Are you sure?
Tosh: Well, I was until you asked.

Owen: Well how do you know all that?
Owen: I know everything. And it says so on the bottom of the screen.

Tosh: (hacking a military computer) Come on, guys, that wasn't even difficult. You disappoint me.
Ianto: It's almost obscene what you do to security systems.

Jack: Come on, with a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail?
Ianto: He is dashing, you have to give him that.

Owen: What if they can't stop it?
Tosh: They'll stop it.
Owen: Yeah, but if they can't?
Ianto: Then it's all over.
Owen: Let's all have sex.
Ianto: And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse.